They say every dog has his day, but then again, that takes working like a dog — damn! What’s a hot bitch like you and me to do when the dog days of summer hits? Does it mean it’s not our day just because we can’t muster the energy to work like a dog?
These are questions I ask myself each year when the other Bitch’in Suburbia — my mistress, and I say that in both figurative and literal ways — has me write a guest post for her. Lucky for both of us, we have a new member of the pack to infuse some new ideas to this annual PR stunt. Not that we get any PR from this… it’s just a creative break from the normal bitch’in grind. Anyhow, this year we’ve decided to share our favorite dog-related quotes, and give them our own canine critique. A virtual chew toy for your brain, as it were. And then we can both take a really long nap to recover from all this exhaustive insight. Woof!
“The more I know about people, the more I love my dog.” ~ Mark Twain
And the more I know about people, the more I love myself. Touché, Mr. Twain! ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” ~ Groucho Marks
Please take the man seriously, for once. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“I took solace in God who, along with my dog, was my best friend growing up.” ~ Lisa Bonet
When you spell ‘dog’ backwards, what do you get? See, either way you look at me, I’m your best friend. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach” ~ Moby
Thank you, Mr. Moby. That will be $150.00 an hour, and I accept payment in chew toys and high-end kibble. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” ~ Ann Landers
Oh snap, Ann Landers — that’s some harsh advice, but considering I’ll eat poop as if it were dog food, she does have a point. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Happiness is a warm puppy.” ~ Charles M. Schulz
OR a fully-grown dog. Puppies don’t corner the market on joy-giving, you know. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“The average dog is nicer than the average person” ~ Andy Rooney
I dunno, I’ve certainly tussled with some bitches in my time — but then again, it takes a bitch to know one. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” ~ Harry S Truman
This advice goes out to Mr. Trump. And Mr. Sanders. All my favorites. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Every dog must have his day.” ~ Jonathan Swift
And I believe every day is my day. Try it out — works wonders for your psyche and your coat, too. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Wherever I climb I am followed by a dog called ‘Ego.’” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Just be wary when the Id is the leader of your pack. Just sayin’. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“The dog that trots about finds a bone.” ~ Golda Meir
I’d like to add that it usually takes some digging, too. But trot first, by all means! ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Writing is a dog’s life, but the only life worth living.” ~ Gustave Flaubert
What’s so wrong with a dog’s life? I think this means everyone should be a writer. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“I have never met a dog I couldn’t help; however I have met humans who weren’t willing to change.” ~ Cesar Millan
Word. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Bite us once, shame on the dog; bite us repeatedly, shame on us for allowing it.” ~ Phyllis Schlafly
It’s just my opinion that one dog bite is too many. This is from personal experience. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“People who wear fur smell like a wet dog if they’re in the rain. And they look fat and gross.” ~ Pamela Anderson
I love that sexy bitch! And I HATE humans who think they look good in real fur. But whom is she calling smelly? ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“The dog lives for the day, the hour, even the moment.” ~ Robert Falcon Smith
And we’ve been doing that even before Mindfulness was a thing. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“The sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s ass all the time.” ~ Catfish Hunter
Whaaaaat? It totally does. But that comes from someone called CATfish, so there you have it. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“Be the person your dog thinks you are.” ~ George Eliot aka Mary Ann Evans
Mr. Moby: That will be $150.00 and… you’re welcome. ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“I have days when I just feel I look like a dog.” ~ Michelle Pfeiffer
I’ll take that as a compliment. And I wish I would have days when I feel I look like Michelle Pfeiffer! ~ The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
“A dog can’t think that much about what he’s doing, he just does what feels right.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver
So do the right thing, people! I believe in you. And let’s be honest: that’s why you keep me around. That’ll be $150.oo, please…
XO The Real Bitch’in Suburbia
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