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BIS Sez, Bitch’in Life

Carbs, A Love Story


The other night I reunited with my own true love, and although I know it’s bad — hell, it’s flat out wrong to try to turn back time — does it help you to know that when I wandered off to the point of no return, both of my parents gazed on and my husband was at my side?

All it took was a basket of warm, flaky, buttery dinner rolls, and I was in a sensory blackout courtesy of my old bad boy flame. Seduced by the yeasty sweetness of it all, I ate most of the first basket and a generous portion of a second.

And when I finished it all, I felt sick.

I felt guilty.

And now I’m afraid there’s no going back.

Once upon a time, food was just food. Nothing spelled happiness like my mom’s spaghetti and meatball casserole, where a 350-degree oven baked the sauciness out of the Bolognese, leaving a crispy pile of melted cheese, overdone meat, and best of all, crunchy pasta. Sunday mornings were only complete when my dad came home with a brown bag full of still-warm bagels. I would kill for a greasy slice of pizza, a salty bag of Wise potato chips, a gooey hunk of homemade chocolate cake. read more

all girls camp
Best o’ the Bitch, Bitch’in Life

The Art of Color War – 10 Ways Camp Teaches Us to Be Winners


Just the other day my old camp buddy, Waldo, sent me a link to something called, “Adult Color Wars.”

And before you could say “Apache Relay,” I was all over that website, trying to figure out how to enlist. Because anyone who has ever spent even one week at camp knows that Color War isn’t just a child’s competition; it’s a metaphor for life and a training ground for survival skills that last a lifetime.

So as your Summertime Sun Tzu — thanks to nearly a decade as a camper and counselor at sleepover camp — I bring you, The Art of Color War — 10 Ways Camp Teaches Us to Be Winners:

1) Know a Break from a Fake: In the days leading up to a Color War break, everyone is on high alert, which makes it particularly difficult to catch anyone by surprise. So the cleverest Color War captains will send out a variety of false alarms — bugles going off at the wrong time of day, two blasts from the cannon (not the required three), and misleading flyers and “clues” planted around campus that only serve as distractions. read more




If you’re reading this blog, you’ll be pleased to know you’re among the first to arrive at the party.

What rocks about this fiesta is that it doesn’t entail any awkward standing around, wishing someone else you knew was already here while you suck down that first drink maybe a bit too fast. That only leads down a bad path, and this blog, despite the Bitch’in its title, will never leave you high and dry, hung over, or hanging on.

This party is built for fun and fancy, laced with some mind-bending ideas and advice for getting your groove on just in the nick of time.

Welcome to the Uplift Mojo Party Plan 2012. Not to be confused with Kony 2012 (although I’d like to overthrow a dictator or two and stop child abuses… without the naked public psychotic meltdown). Maybe to be a little confused with The Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Uplift Mofo Party Plan (Special Secret Song Inside not included).

Chances are you know me – presently or from as far back as either of us can remember. Since it may have been a while, let me tell you a touch about me. read more