Here’s a word problem for you in honor of “Back to School”:
Johnny’s Back to School night starts at 5:30 sharp and is 12.6 miles away from Johnny’s home.
Jenny’s Back to School night starts at 5:30 sharp and is 1.6 miles away from Jenny’s home.
Johnny and Jenny are siblings. They have one parent available to attend both Back to School nights. How does one parent get to both Back to School nights at the same time?
Bonus: Johnny also has a mandatory meeting that starts one hour into Back to School night. There is still just one parent available for another 53 minutes. How does Johnny get to his meeting?
Answer: This is not a math problem. This is an existential problem. Please refer to Kierkegaard for Dummies, page. 72, “Back to School & The Absurd: An Eternal Loop of Despair” for more information.
Surely I jest… and yet, no matter how old I am, there is a certain poignancy to summer’s end. Even as an adult, despite the lack of schedule and thus predictability that kicks my Faux-CD — an obsessive need to create order from chaos (not recognized by the DSM but easy to spot by parents everywhere) — into high gear, I still get knocked on my ass by the first week of school.