Browsing Tag

Siri

bitchin answers to stupid questions
Humor, Parenting

Bitch’in Answers to 10 Stupid Questions

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Have you tried asking Siri what zero divided by zero is yet?

Before you do, please be forewarned that after all these years, Siri is done with stupid questions and has gone to the dark side.

In short, Siri is now a punishing bitch.

While “indeterminate” is her “straight” answer, if you’re lucky, Siri will tell you this:

“Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get?

See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies. And you are sad that you have no friends.”

Oh, snap, Siri! When this kinda shade is thrown by a disembodied robot voice, it’s somehow even more damning. And endearing.

Which is the perfect combination for an excellent comeback. It’s what Mad magazine’s Al Jaffee perfected with “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” (Remember those? I believe your Mad magazine collection is hidden under your shoebox full of Wacky Pack stickers.) read more

Bitch’in Life, Parenting

Cell Phones = Dropped Connections

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Once upon a time, we lived in a society where getting in touch with people involved picking up a clunky receiver, dialing a number (on a crazy circular dial, even), and waiting for someone to pick up the line. There weren’t even answering machines, for goodness sake! If you wanted to get a hold of someone, you had to be persistent. And time-of-day conscious, because calling someone when they were at school, at work, running errands or otherwise occupado was foolish, if not plain old rude.

Clearly those days are long over. Today those tiny handheld devices from the future that we still quaintly call phones (mobile, cell, smart, etc.) remain permanently lodged on our person, in our purses and pockets, by our bedsides, and always within reach regardless of where we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually in our day. And G-d forbid the thing rings — I, like many others, got no time for chitty chat, despite my kickass ringtone (Bitch by the Rolling Stones, naturally). If I can’t respond to someone in .001 seconds flat (“kk,” “gr8,” “jk,” “ttyl,” “thx,” and most insultingly and iPhony of all, “lol!”), I’m annoyed. read more