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how do I look


Tramps Like Us


“Miley pantsless at Billboard” – is a headline like this really a shocker? Or is it a portent of things to come this summer?

As temperatures rise and layers of clothes come off, it’s time for the annual tween and teen hooker-wear parade to hit the streets. At one of the local school fairs, a friend of mine was shocked to see a middle school girl’s actual ass cheeks fully hanging out of her Daisy Duke’s. Another was telling me about watching girls wobble out of their houses on inches-high stilettos (aka “Come Fuck Me’s”) and skintight micro-dresses on their way to spring dances.

While others are shocked by today’s fashion, I often find myself wondering about the logistics. Don’t the girls’ naked cheeks stick to the carnival rides’ pleather or steel seats? Is the inadvertent butt-waxing they get every time they disembark the Tilt-a-Whirl part of the fun? How do they avoid breaking an ankle or flashing their classmates when they boogie down at the school dance?  (I’d really like to know that in particular so I can rock a pair of CFM’s at my next high school reunion — just sayin’.) read more