Browsing Tag

getting my groove back

adolescence
Bitch’in Life, Humor

10 Sure Signs You’re in Your Second Adolescence

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Adolescence, as we all know, is a transitional stage from childhood to adulthood that’s marked by disruption, disorientation and discovery.

And as I recall it from the first time around, it also was exhilarating and soul crushing all at once. I mean, c’mon — did we learn nothing from The Breakfast Club?

Lately I’ve been having a bunch of feelings that I know I’ve felt before, and until I started poking around the Internets, I didn’t realize that a “second adolescence” is not only normal, but to be expected from people of a certain age.

Apparently it pops up in your 30s, 40s, 50s and whenever you retire.

This makes me feel better because I’d hate to be going through something without the camaraderie of my peers. (AHA! Another sure sign of adolescent behavior!)

Speaking of peers, I will say that astute readers of this here blog have noticed a trend of late, a certain inner wrassling that is spilling out into the world like a live-action diary cuz you know — the struggle is real. Literally, as in I’m getting in street brawls, screaming about reemergencies, refusing to age gracefully (unlike Cindy Crawford), scrawling To Don’t lists a mile long, and cursing out people for being mean to my fellow GenXers and me.

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reemergency
Bitch’in Life, My Bitches

What to Do When You’re in a Reemergency

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Reemergency: noun re·emer·gen·cy \re-i-ˈmər-jənt-sē\
1: an unforeseen combination of circumstances that transpire when trying to reinvent oneself and/or the resulting state that calls for immediate action.
2: an urgent need to revitalize and/or remake a situation, circumstance or general way of being.

I don’t often coin terms, but when I do… you know it’s something major.

For the last several months, I have been in a state of severe unrest. Restlessness. Like the ground is shifting, and I’m holding on for dear life, just trying to find my footing.

Problem is, I have no idea where to get even a toehold.

Maybe you’re feeling the same way? (As us people of a certain age are wont to do…)

Assuming you can relate, I’ll tell you a story or three about how reemergencies happen — so you know you’re not alone.

Let’s take a minute in the way back machine, all the way to the late 1990s, right about when my career at the time was peaking — I was on a corporate track that was about to lead to a dream job opportunity. Things were CLICKING.

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Bitch'in Body Positivity
Best o’ the Bitch, Bitch’in Life, My Bitches

Body Positivity for the Mom Bod

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As the days heat up and we all start stripping down for spring and summer, it’s high time to give it up to the Body Positivity Movement, which is all about appreciating yourself from head to toe, and accepting yourself exactly how you are.

Fat, thin, busty, flat, voluptuous, lean… stop labeling, start loving. Screw our crazy cultural norms, and get radical with the whole shebang.

And it’s not just about weight — over at Fuck Yeah Body Positivity, we’re reminded that it’s all about “reclaiming all aspects of our bodies which society has deemed unacceptable. Whether you are skinny or curvy, short or tall, light or dark skinned, clear skinned or pimpled, you are beautiful…”

This from a 22-year-old woman named Katie — I love her blog for all her enthusiasm and support. So when my 14-year-old daughter laments about her “gigantic hips,” I send her in Katie’s direction. Or in Jes Baker’s direction. (Just because I know telling the kid she’s “fat like me doesn’t necessarily help… nor does the ye olde “joys of child-bearing hips” lecture, either.)

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bring sexy back
Bitch’in Life

7 Ways to Bring Your Sexy Back

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The trouble started at the annual Victoria’s Secret post-holiday sale.

You might think that I was there to buy some sexy lingerie, a hot push-up bra, or perhaps a pair of crotch-questionable panties. To be honest, it actually was not that specific… just a feeling that I could use a little sprucing up in the new year.

While I did browse the butt-string and the sequined panties and the lacy nothings, in the end I decided that my long days of spinning the gerbil wheel would be more comfortable in some plain cotton undies, which not surprisingly wasn’t so much in the VS wheelhouse.

This was the first clue that I desperately need to bring sexy back.

The second indication is what I did walk out of Victoria’s Secret with: a super cuddly pair of flannel men’s pajamas.

When I modeled them for my husband, he said just this: “Luuuucy, I’m home!” And then he also muttered something about me being a “Mertz” just in case I didn’t catch the reference.

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Bitch’in Life, Recipes

Eat Me: The Bitch’in Challenge, Week 2

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Last week I shared my wake-up call with y’all — what started as pesky, persistent dry skin patches and other random symptoms, like feeling plum out of steam, ended up with my needing to engage in a full-on confrontation of what brought me to this place. Bottom line: it was all about some sorry-ass lifestyle choices I’d made along the way.

And while the thing you’ve been ignoring, avoiding, and sadly putting off for way to long may not on the surface appear to be health-related, I’d argue that the chance of success when making any major life change is much greater if taking care of yourself is factored into the equation. In fact, you should make it the primary factor.

The crap we throw down our gullets as we run the gerbil wheel as fast as we can is not adequate fuel. The trick is to slow the pace enough so that you can be mindful of everything that you put in your mouth (!); this is a crucial step towards bringing you to not only better health, but also to an awareness of what being kind and nourishing can do to a person. Especially when that person is you.

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Best o’ the Bitch, BIS Sez, Bitch’in Life

7 Soft Ways to Push Hard

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Are you in it to win it?

Nowadays, the rats are rattier, and the damn race is on. There quite literally is no rest for the weary — our daily lives move at light speed, and we as a society are dedicated to harder, better, faster, stronger. (Thank you Daft Punk and Kanye for your anthems of a generation!) With mile-long to-do lists, dreams and desires for our families and ourselves, not to mention the added pressure of today’s high standards and low-levels of support, it’s a wonder any of us are still standing at the end of each day.

There is only one way to get to whatever goals you have, and that’s to push through to the other side.

But there are plenty of times when your drive is driven off by any number of distractions, disappointments, and disasters.

The other day in spin class, I had one of those moments where I got to the core of how to push, and it came from a surprisingly soft place that I landed upon after taking seven distinct steps to clear the decks for the final push to a triumphant ball of sweat and clarity. Here’s how to go from good grief to sweet relief:

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Best o’ the Bitch, Bitch’in Life

Life’s a Bitch (And That’s a Good Thing!)

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Have you ever had a week that makes you want to scream?

And by scream, I met let loose with a primal roar so intense it might strip the enamel off your teeth and shatter the eardrums of anyone in a 10-mile radius.

I just had one of those weeks recently. It started with lice and went downhill from there.

Every day had a new delight: a traffic ticket, a bounced check, a pinched nerve, a kid with the plague, the sudden-death of a cell phone… all smothered in more loads of laundry than imaginable. First world problems to the Nth degree.

The icing on the cake was a little blowback from the peanut gallery on the name of my blog — apparently the word BITCH’IN no longer holds its adorable ’80s connotation of something being exceptionally awesome.

If you buy the Law of Attraction, then what you put out is what you get back. At that point, my vibration was so low that I had to abandon the limbo pole and get on my belly to see the light.

Literally, laying flat on my back on the floor to sooth that pinched nerve, I got to thinking about the word BITCH and how it could possibly help me shift my attitude around.

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Parenting

Would You Hire Yourself?

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As fall prepares to bust through the lazy, hazy days of summer and kick our collective butts into high gear, I am, for a change, being proactive about what the next ten months will look like.

I’ve always been a working mom. (Hell, aren’t we all? Nowadays, even if we don’t leave the house or technically are dads, we’re working moms), but lately the job has become more demanding, and the children are officially “latchkey kids.”

Side note about latchkey kids: If the guilt of not being home the minute your children return from school doesn’t slay you, then hearing them described as pathetic orphans or extras from the musical Oliver! will put a dagger in your heart. Even if they are teenagers.

While I’m more than happy to serve my family gruel, I draw the line at latchkey-ness. And so, the hunt for a couple hours of consistent afternoon care is on.

An SOS on Facebook got a few funny responses and a couple of real options that were close, but no cigar yet.

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Best o’ the Bitch, Bitch’in Life

Staycation, All I Ever Wanted…

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You know how when a song gets stuck in your head, and you realize it’s there because it’s somehow expressing some deep, hidden emotions?

What about when every time you turn on the radio, the same tune is magically, and perhaps a bit ominously, playing?

In the past two days, I’ve heard “Vacation,” by the Go-Gos no less than 10 times. By the time it came blaring over the system in my dermatologist’s office, I was ready to fall on the ground and scream, “FINE! You’ve got the damn beat, now leave me alone!”

Summertime is clearly all about vacation time. Our internal clock is set to “School’s Out for Summer,” and doesn’t recalibrate until, “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” or maybe even, “Another Brick in the Wall.”

But it’s a cruel, cruel summer… now that youth is gone. (That’s the lyric, right?) The gerbil wheel of duty, obligation, and responsibility never stops spinning, and little things like doing laundry, cooking meals, getting dressed for work, and even waking up (before you go-go — sorry, couldn’t resist!) is hard as hell.

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Best o’ the Bitch, Bitch’in Life

How to Write Your Own Obituary

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Last week I was with my BBFs as they celebrated and honored the life of their father.

The night before I left, my BBF’s mom announced, very nonchalantly, that her husband had written his own obituary. Oh, and he’d already penned hers as well.

When I asked why he did that, she replied with a matter of a fact smile, “Nobody wrote better than him.” To prove her point, she pulled out legal pad pages carefully written out in elegant longhand.

While this was a very literal take on what she was saying, I understood what she meant figuratively. After all, the man headed the department of communication at Rider University; putting things in his own voice through to the lasting summarizing statement made a lot of sense.

But beside all of that, what I found absolutely fascinating — and inspirational — was idea of legacy. The concept of figuring out what can be said about you once all is finally done. While you are still living.

This got me thinking, because my BBF’s family had a motto: just do it. (Sorry Nike, you weren’t the first!)

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