bitch'in suburbia f words
Bitch’in Life, Humor, My Bitches

50 of My Favorite F Words

I love the F word.

In fact, I love all words that start with F.

Well, mostly all of them. I am very honestly working on the word “fifty,” which has been a hard one to allow to roll off the tip of my tongue and embrace with my whole heart. But after today, I feel like I can drop that load and move on to more important things, like cracking the code for world peace or meditating on the meaning of life.

For now, though, an exercise in F words feels like a positive distraction and a fun little listicle that I’d love you to join in on (so comment below). For the record, here are my fifty favorite F words, in no real order:

50) Fascination: I find that fascination is an excellent distraction. Once you hook onto something interesting that captures your attention and piques your curiosity, it’s much more likely you’ll finish the task at hand. Or at least have a chance at grabbing a little passion for what you’re doing.

49) Father: While I’m not so happy with the frequency my dad kicks my butt in Words with Friends, I am happy to know that his genetics allow me to pay that butt kicking forward. Also, I will always be my dad’s little girl, and that is the ultimate safety net and blessing.

48) Fangirl: Back in the day, us fangirls were called nerds — a mantle I have always proudly worn. My fangirling started with the Chronicles of Narnia, the V.C. Andrews “Dollanger Series” (hullo, Flowers in the Attic!) and Star Wars, and now has extended to The Walking Dead (I’m just saying I shipped Richonne a year before it became canon — red, hot, sexy canon), Game of Thrones, Orphan Black, Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black and Justin Bieber. I know, one of these things is not like the others, but a fangirl’s gotta love what a fangirl loves.

47) Fellowship: This is both a nod to the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which I loved — especially The Fellowship of the Rings — but wasn’t totally obsessed with AND the idea of fellowship. I always say that common interests and values are the foundation of a solid relationship. It’s the real precious…

46) Freak: Both an excellent dance move AND the perfect way to describe an outlier, I know I’ll always be a freak. (The Bowie kind, y’all — clearly.)

45) Fuzzy: Always connected to warm, I like feeling fuzzy on my feet (socks, people, socks! Take your mind out of the gutter!) and in my head sometimes — it’s an excellent way to relax and unwind.

44) Flip: From Flip Wilson (now you know I’m a child of the 70s!) to flipping someone the bird (ditto!), I love to flip out. Don’t you?

43) Feelings: I love feeling my feelings, because that is the creative juice that fuels the highest of high, the lowest of lows and everything in between. Nothing like a good case of the feels to kick out the jams and reset your system.

42) Futz: This is a Yiddish word that basically means to waste time doing something. But futzing is a great way to take a break and for me, often leaves me with a spotless house or a solution to an otherwise mundane and annoying problem.

41) Fact: I love to spin, which can be a very disorienting practice. And I’ve learned, thanks to a BBF of mine with both life and learning experience, that when you stick to the facts, you pull out of emotional and other tailspins much faster.

40) Fame: We all deserve our 15 minutes — some more than others:

39) Fonzie: Is it fair that I made the Fonz follow Bowie? Of course — because when it comes to cool, the Fonz is right up there. Until he jumped the shark, of course.

38) Fat: Some people make this a dirty word, but for me, it’s a teaching moment when I explain to my daughter that she’s fat like me.

37) Fear: Such an awesome motivator, fear is! And it’s also often False Evidence Appearing Real. I like to make a practice of facing my fears, with a hall pass for dealing with puppets, clowns, carnies and Victorian dolls.

36) Fuchsia: Both a lovely smelling flower AND the most badass shade of pink. Divine.

35) Festival: Is there anything better than a music festival? The tunes, the scene, the mishmash of styles and people — listening to music in the open air is one of my absolutely favorite activities. I was a huge Lollapalooza fangirl back in the ’90s (or, as we called it back in Boston, Lawnfullaloozahs) and still enjoy Bottle Rocket, Outside Lands and the occasional Coachella — with this year’s headliner, Guns ‘n Roses, I’d say the adage that everything old is new again is terrifyingly real.

34) French Fries: I’m hungry just writing that! There quite literally might not be anything better than a bucket of thin, crisp shoestring fries. In my humble opinion, anyway.

33) Fancy: While I’d describe my regular look as sassy ‘n stained, I do enjoy getting fancy every once in a while.

32) Fever: I’m not talking about the fever you get when you’re sick-sick — I’m talking about this fever:

31) Fight: Ohhhh baby, I love a good fight. Not necessarily with fists or worse, but with an air-clearing words between friends and loved ones that may suck in the moment, but brings you closer in the aftermath. In my opinion, being able to fight and then forgive is one of the most intimate things you can do.

30) Film: There is NOTHING better than getting fully absorbed in a great movie. Also the idea that we can so easily, with our tiny little handheld devices from the future (aka smart phones) capture precious moments on film is one of the greatest gifts of our times. I really believe that =)

29) Field: I spend half my life sitting on the sidelines of some field or another, watching my kids play ball. The smell of sod reminds me that these are the good old daysdespite the ups and downs of youth sports.

28) Flow: I love a good, creative flow. Life is so often a series of fits and starts, but on these days when the groove takes you from dawn till dusk with ease and grace — well now, that’s the perfect day, isn’t it?

27) Frida: Frida Kahlo is my favorite artist. From her tortured yet passionate life, to her brilliant, original selfies, political activism and no nevermind monobrow, to me she is the symbol of glorious, feminist creative expression.

26) Flexible: You know how you remember certain random things? I was once standing in line behind a woman who proudly told her friend, “I’m no pretzel, but I can contort.” (This was in Boston so that last word was pronounced, CAN-TAHT.) To me, that’s the definition of flexibility. You don’t have to stretch all the way, but being a bit flexible allows you to fit into places and spaces that will work out to your benefit.

25) French Roast: I like my coffee only slightly lighter than motor oil. Give me a cup of Peets French Roast or give me death! (That’s what most mornings feel like, anyway.)

24) Frank: I’m not a big hot dog fan, so this is not that kind of frank. But I do appreciate when people are honest with me, especially in a constructive way, and I am happy to do the same. Frankness is a deal breaker for some folks that would rather live in another F word – facade – but those aren’t my kinda peeps. (Is that too frank for you?)

23) Facebook: While well I know the downside of social media — there is a problem with a picture perfect life and also often unintended consequences of Facebook — but the Zen of it can be poetic, particularly in times of tragedy. Reconnecting with long-lost friends is a beautiful thing, too.

22) Fun: My feeling is this; if it’s not fun, why bother? As a little kid this is pretty much the litmus test of all activities, so why would we ever let go of such a simple and true gauge?

21) Fashion: Despite my supermodel past, I really give zero fucks about fashion. This is the kind of fashion I like:


20) Fire: There are SO many fiery things I love – a campfire, A Song of Fire and Ice (Game of Thrones, people, Game of Thrones!), and that fire in the belly that is also known as passion. Burn baby burn is all I’m sayin’.

19) Friendly: While I am a self-proclaimed Bitch (‘in Suburbia), it doesn’t mean I’m not friendly as hell. Being friendly has a most excellent outcome — you make friends. Or at the very least people like you, and if we’ve learned nothing from Sally Field, it feels good to be liked.

18) Fantasy: Get your dirty minds out of the gutter — just kidding! I do enjoy a good fantasy, although if you refer back to #48 and #20, you’ll know that I’m as much about fangirl fantasies as I am about the grown-ass woman kind. (Which include someone else doing the laundry and making dinner. Sad I know but then again — so damn easy to make a reality!)

17) Fart: Both an endless source of humor and an important test of how close you are with another human (as in if you can fart in front of him/her, you are CLOSE), who doesn’t love a good fart? EXCEPT when modified by the word “old” — then it’s rotten.

16) Flesh: There are dirty F words, but I’d argue that “flesh” has the most down ‘n dirty ring. And flesh-to-flesh is the best yet!

15) Float: As a young adult, I was a swim counselor. But the truth was I’ve never been much about the actual swimming part. A nice leisurely float, however, is absolutely divine. I’m particularly inspired by Better Call Saul’s Jimmy McGill’s take on floating, which includes having a tropical fruity drink on one side of you and snacks on a mini-float and your cell phone in a plastic baggie on the other.

via GIPHY

14) Fresh: Old ‘n stale, or fresh and fantastic I ask you?! No contest. ALSO it’s nice to get fresh with someone every once in a while, too.

13) Flower: Speaking of fresh, the best damn way to perk up your day is to stock a vase with some fresh posies. Flower as a verb is good, too, as we do so much planting of ideas and plots, it’s very gratifying to see them flower.

12) Fair: Life is not goddamn fair — that’s something I learned at my momma’s knee. And that’s exactly why it’s so interesting, challenging and ever-evolving — our collective mission to get our fair share — now isn’t it?

11) Fix: I’m terrible at fixing actual things, but I do enjoy a fix. Chocolate, old man drinks (martinis, Manhattans), binges on my favorite TV shows (see #48) and of course, if you add an x, it’s the Fixx, the legendary 80s band that was totally right — one thing always leads to another.

10) Failure: Everyone screws up at least once or twice or a thousand times, and we’re told this is the way growth happens. The biggest successes have also endured the most crushing failures. Although I do wish there were an easier way, I’ve got a long ass list of rejections and other unsuccessful attempts at many things… that were either protection or stepping-stones, or both.

9) Fine Bros. Entertainment: From the annals of shameless self-promotion and #40, I’m plugging Fine Bros. Entertainment and its head dudes, Benny & Rafi Fine — YouTube pioneers, writers, directors, producers and all-around good guys. I’m a grateful and proud cast member of their Adults React show where I do stuff like this:

Now you know about the condom challenge and… you’re welcome.

8) Funny: If it aint’ funny, I ain’t interested. I mean, are you?

7) Feminism: I am a proud lady American who has been a feminist since the very beginning. I’d like to say that we’ve achieved wage equality and closed the gender gap, smashed the patriarchy, elected women to hold at least half the political seats in this country, eliminated the threat of sexual assault and rape, shattered the glass ceiling, passed the long-festering Equal Rights Amendment, and done everything necessary to level the playing field for girls and women…. but we DEFINITELY haven’t. And so Feminism is a badge of honor I wear and am passing down to my daughter.

6) Foo Fighters: Hands down one of my all-time favorite rock ‘n roll bands — if Dave Grohl isn’t the ultimate music fan boy, I don’t know who is. They might be taking a break now, but my love for the Foos is everlong, and that’s true and also a really bad pun. Hope you’ve seen this — all I’m saying is Nick Goddamn Lachey!

5) Forgiveness: I know it sounds clichéd but without forgiveness, there can’t be love. And without love, there’s no forgiveness. Seems like a solid formula to me!

4) Faith: Don’t worry that I’m going to get all religious on you here — in fact, it’s the opposite. While I am spiritual, my faith is as much about believing in others around you as it is about believing in a higher power. In fact, my favorite quote on faith is from a famous atheist — Greg Graffin of the punk band Bad Religion, who said, “In the family, in interpersonal relationships, even in friendship, faith is tremendously important. If you have a partner who you believe is a good person, then it is your duty to have faith in them until the end, despite the fact that they might have done some bad things. And you have to support and believe in your children.” Amen brutha is all I’m sayin’.

3) Friends: I’m all about making new friends but keeping the old — they’re both solid gold if you ask me. Now cue up some James Taylor, because I’m definitely gonna start weeping.

2) Family: Whether you’re born into one or you form your own, family (along with friends) is the best part of every day and what shapes the direction of your life. This is for better or for worse kind of stuff, but I hope you have a family like mine that’s all for the good.

1) Love: Is always the #1 four-letter word — and I know it doesn’t start with F, but I figured my mom would be much happier if my #1 word on my favorite F words lists wasn’t, well, the F word.

(Although FUCK is ground zero for me — a perfect word because it’s every part of speech — noun, verb, adjective, adverb, determiner, pronoun, preposition, conjunction and an interjection OF COURSE).

So if you see me rattling off F words, just know that when you reach a milestone like (GULP) fifty, you might just feel like there aren’t enough F bombs in the world to get you through. And while you’re probably right, just remember that being a fatalist is fucked, and there’s always more you can do to fly, be free… and fucking fabulous!

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